How friends and family can help

Friends and family often provide the most valuable support. People who self-harm often feel very isolated and despairing. Knowing that others are there for them and care about them, despite what they are doing to themselves, can make all the difference.

• Make time to listen and to try and understand. This is one of the most important things anyone can do. There is no need to find solutions. Simply accept the person as they are, even though you find the self-harm upsetting.
• Try not to criticize the person, attempt to control their behavior or show just how anxious you are, however hard this may seem. They are unlikely to be able to stop self-harming just like that and your actions may drive them to self-harm in secret.
• Do not show anger or disgust if they show you evidence of their self-harm. Behave in a caring way as you would with anyone who is ill or injured.
• Find out all you can about self-harm and about sources of help so that you can offer suggestions if appropriate.
• Ask if there is anything you can do to help.
• Try to support the person while they find their own ways of coping. Encourage any positive steps they take, even if they are continuing to self-harm.
• Try to persuade the person to see their GP for help. If they are unwilling to do so, or the GP is not particularly helpful, you might suggest contacting one of the help lines listed at the end of this feature or contacting one on their behalf.
• Try to be very patient. Self-harm may take months or even years to overcome.

Of course, if the person has seriously harmed themselves or their life is in danger you must get help as soon as possible, even if they have asked you to respect their secrecy. If you accompany someone to a hospital accident and emergency department, try to make sure that the professionals involved take the incident seriously. Some follow-up care should always be offered. If not, you should ask about it.